The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.” “None? You’ve never had any accidents.” “Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.” “Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?” “Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.” “Not Tex,” the second cowboy replied. “He ll always be just a good ol boy. When he walks in, I m sure all he ll say is hello.” “I know Tex better than either of you,” said the third. “He’s so smart, he ll figure out a way.

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, What’s you re name?” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”

 

 

A cowboys is captured by a tribe of fierce Indians, but considering themselves civilized savages, they offer to grant him three wishes before they scalp him. Considering his situation carefully, the cowboy says: “For my first wish, I’d like to talk to my horse.”

So the Indians bring his horse, and the cowboy whispers into the horse’s ear. The loyal animal almost seems to nod its head, then trots off and returns an hour later with a beautiful blonde on its back. The cowboy is clearly upset and says: “For my second wish, I want to talk to my horse again.”

The Indians are perplexed, but they grant this wish as well. Again, the cowboy whispers in his horse’s ear, and again the animal trots off, returning an hour later with a beautiful redhead on its back. The cowboy fumes and stomps on his hat.

The Indians inquire as to the cowboy’s final wish, and he says: “Let me talk to my horse one more time.” A third time, he whispers into the horse’s ear. The animal, nods, trots off, and returns an hour later with a beautiful brunette on his back.

Furious, the cowboys shouts: “You stupid horse! I said POSSE!!!

Page 445 of 452« First...1020...444445446...450...Last »