Cats are cool because you don’t have to buy them. You see them on the street, take them home — they’re yours. You ain’t never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They’re under there like, ‘Meow,’ and you be looking at them like, ‘Oh they’re so cute. Let’s go find one like that.’

Q: What are a woman’s four favorite animals?

A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what’s in the sack.

The first man says, “I got me some chickens for dinner tonight.”

The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.

“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies the first redneck, “If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I’ll give them both to you.”

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.

As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave that lyin’ here, are ya?”

“Hmph,” says the man. “That’s not a lion — it’s a giraffe.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of beer and a………. packet of peanuts.”

The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

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