Two blondes stand on opposite sides of a lake.

One blonde yells, “How do I get to the other side?”

The other blonde yells back, “You’re already on the other side!”

A blonde calls her mom…

Blonde: “Mom mom!! I’m a genius!”

Mother: “Really dear? How’s that possible?”

Blonde: “I finished a puzzle that I’ve been working on for 1 year and on the box it said ‘for 2-5 yrs’.”

“May I take your order?” the blonde waitress asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special sir,” she replied, “we just tell them straight out that theyre going to die.”

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

Me: What is a vowel?

Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …

Me: Close enough.

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?

“Oh, it’s not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That’s disgusting!”

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. “Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.

“I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”

“‘What about the other ear and your hand?” the doctor asked.

She replied, “I tried to call for an ambulance.”

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. “Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.

“I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”

“‘What about the other ear and your hand?” the doctor asked.

She replied, “I tried to call for an ambulance.”

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