A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it’s for. He responds, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, “What do you have in it?”

She replies, “Soup and ice cream.”

Two blondes stand on opposite sides of a lake.

One blonde yells, “How do I get to the other side?”

The other blonde yells back, “You’re already on the other side!”

A blonde calls her mom…

Blonde: “Mom mom!! I’m a genius!”

Mother: “Really dear? How’s that possible?”

Blonde: “I finished a puzzle that I’ve been working on for 1 year and on the box it said ‘for 2-5 yrs’.”

“May I take your order?” the blonde waitress asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special sir,” she replied, “we just tell them straight out that theyre going to die.”

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

Me: What is a vowel?

Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …

Me: Close enough.

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?

“Oh, it’s not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That’s disgusting!”

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