Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn’t go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.