A lot of things can kill you now. Ain’t this ridiculous? Mosquitoes can kill you now. Do you know how mad I would be if I died from a mosquito bite? I’m a black man, grew up on the south side of Chicago. I’ve avoided drug dealers, gang bangers, sickle cell, high blood pressure, the police — and now a mosquito gonna take me out?
They all think they’re in a gang — in New Hampshire. They’re hanging out at the mall as if that were their ‘hood. I’m like, ‘Dude, you live in New Hampshire. How tough are you? Your ‘hood is a cul-de-sac between Happy Lane and Pleasant Street, pal. You and your homeboys are cruising for bitches in the backseat of mom’s minivan.’
I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they’ve had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? ‘I remember seeing this really bright, white light.’ It’s like, of course, you pinhead, it’s the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.