Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.

“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”

“Where did they bury him?'”

“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”

Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.

Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, “Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.”

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asks, “How can you tell?”

Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two a**holes.”

“What? He had two a**holes?!” exclaims the mortician.

“Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Bubba with them two a**holes.'”

One night, God visits a preacher.

The preacher has one question, “What is Heaven like?”

God replies, “Heaven is like a city. It has the best of everything. For example, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the English are the policeman, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Dutch are the politicians.”

“What is Hell like?” he asks.

“Well,” he sighs, “the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the politicians, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the policemen, and the Dutch are the lovers.”

Q: What’s grosser than gross?

A: Giving your grandmother oral sex. And then hitting your head on the coffin lid.

Why are these kids bringing all these guns to school? And the parents never know: ‘Oh, we had no idea. We didn’t know.’ How could you not know that your kids are making 30 pipe bombs in the garage? My dad knew if I broke wind in the backyard.

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.

Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah’s wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, “Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!”

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