Wife calls her husband and says, “Darling, the car is broken, it won’t start.”

“What?! It’s in perfect order, what’s wrong with it?”

“It’s water in the carburetor, love.”

“Oh no, where are you right now?”

“Um, in the little lake behind the house…”

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair,

“Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick: “What school?”

Black Friday: A day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic things just a day after celebrating what they’re already thankful for.

I was bartending in Vegas and this drunk mexican asks me for a shot of tequila and a beer. He was hurting so bad with a hangover..he then asks me for another. I said “You got money? He told me no, but he is hurting so bad that he will do anything for another round…. I looked at him and told him..if you could use these three colors in a sentence, I’ll buy you a round…Green Pink and Yellow. The drunk mexican looks at me, thinks for a second, and tells me..”I got it senor, I got it…The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and I said Yellow?” I bought him a round…

Page 1 of 1412345...10...Last »