I was asked once. We actually set a date. I knew he wasn’t committed because he only penciled it in.

I think the thing to remember when you’re looking for true love is just keep your hopes up. ‘Cause you never know, you could round a corner and bump into Mr. You Might Do.

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up. That’s a good vacation.

I’m single now. And it’s really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I’ve just been cheating.

I just read about this study that says that, apparently, when women go on dates, they decide if they’re going to sleep with the guy or not in the first 12 seconds. Seems wrong to me, you know. How are these women getting drunk so fast?

I like psycho chicks…. Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you’re gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

You know who’s mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? ‘Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that’s the new minimum. ‘Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: ‘Oh, really, what’s this? A $1 million ring? What — did that bitch get my $3 million, too?’

I wish we all had to describe ourselves in percentages of singleness because I think it would be so much more honest. ‘Cause then a guy could be like, ‘I’m 75% single because 10% of me is sleeping with my ex and 15%, frankly, that’s for my mom.’

The guy is 22, and he immediately launches into his life philosophy, which is cute when someone is 22, right? He’s like, ‘Here’s what I think about life. Here’s my big life plan.’ I was like, ‘You know what? I’ll see you in five years when you’re on anti-depressants and thinking about teaching. ‘

When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they’ll say, ‘Oh, that’s Gladys’ work, ain’t it?’

Page 10 of 11« First...91011