Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

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