The latest parenting fads, 
according to the Onion:

  • Couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become 
a partner in a successful law firm.
  • Parents are choosing not to learn the gender of their obstetrician.
  • As part of the new Infinity Womb trend, women are using a wide range of Lamaze, strength-training, and yoga techniques to forcefully prevent their children from ever leaving their wombs, forever protecting them from the harsh realities of the world.

The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.

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A welsh politician asked the government for information about UFO sightings and if it might fund UFO research. Officials wrote back, “jang vIDa je due luq … ach ghotvam’e’ QI’yaH devolve qaS.” Which means, “The minister will reply in due course. However, this is a non-devolved 
matter,” in Klingon.

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they’re intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says Kalam. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Manmohan immediately responds, “It’s me, Sir !”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye” says Kalam. He hangs up and says,” Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

Bush nods: “Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.

I’ll definitely be using that!”

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, “Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can com e up with an answer.. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

“Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,

“I know the answer, sir! I know who it is!
It’s our Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, it’s Manmohan Singh!”

 

There was a meeting of Bihar state freedom fighters.

They wanted to free Bihar from India.

Ram bhaiya raised a point…,

“We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?”

Shayam bhaiya had a brainwave. “No problem!

We will attack America, we will lose the war and USA will take us over…

Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically…!

We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards.”

All the Bhaiyas were overjoyed with this solution, but an old bhaiya was not.

Someone asked him why he wasn’t happy.

The old bhaiya replied,

“That’s all very well….,

“But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America?”

 

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.

The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

 

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