A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair,

“Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick: “What school?”

A gay guy falls in love with a proctologist. He goes to the proctologist’s office and says that he has an obstruction.
So the proctologist sticks his hand up the guy’s ass but can’t find anything. However, he notices that the man has an erection, so the proctologist cuts short the examination and orders the gay guy out of his office.
The next day, the gay guy calls the proctologist and claims he has another obstruction. The proctologist doesn’t believe him but the guy claims he is in great pain, so the doctor relents. When the guy arrives, the doctor sticks his hand up the guy’s ass again but this time he finds something. “Good God!” the doctor exclaims, “No wonder you’re in pain. There are two dozen roses shoved up your ass.”
The gay guy turns around excitedly and says, “Read the card! Read the Card!”

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