A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

I told my crush at school, “If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow.”

The next day she came in wearing black!

When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.

Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

“May I take your order?” the blonde waitress asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special sir,” she replied, “we just tell them straight out that theyre going to die.”

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