You know who’s mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? ‘Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that’s the new minimum. ‘Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: ‘Oh, really, what’s this? A $1 million ring? What — did that bitch get my $3 million, too?’
You’ve been married to the women for 20 years. She don’t use nothing but Dial soap. Her mama uses Dial soap. All seven of her sisters use Dial soap in their seven respective homes. You can go through purse, pocketbook, and find Dial coupons any given time of the day or night. Damn you if you come home smelling like Zest!
I started dating this guy that I’ve known for a long time, and I thought, ‘Oh, this’ll be so great, we’ve been friends for a while,’ until he gave me what he thought was a compliment. He said, ‘Even though you used to be wafer thin and you’re not anymore, I’m still just as attracted to you.’ Oh yeah, he’s a real smooth talker. So naturally, I’m upset about this. I call my best friend Carla, and she goes, ‘You know what — that is such crap because, first of all, you have never been wafer thin.’