Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

Wife calls her husband and says, “Darling, the car is broken, it won’t start.”

“What?! It’s in perfect order, what’s wrong with it?”

“It’s water in the carburetor, love.”

“Oh no, where are you right now?”

“Um, in the little lake behind the house…”

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

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